I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
