i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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