Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
