I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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