I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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