Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
