she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
