i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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