I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
