I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
