At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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