i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
