What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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