Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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