im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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