i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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