Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
