I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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