And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
