I need help removing her.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
