i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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