My sheets look like a crime scene.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
