I don't usually arrange sex via text message
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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