While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
