my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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