Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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