right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
