I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
