Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
