just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
