not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
