Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
