fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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