last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
