I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
