Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How naked do you want me to be?
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