I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My balls are so social today.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
