he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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