I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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