Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
