Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
