he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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