I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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