I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
