I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
