I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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