xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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