At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
