She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
