I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
