from now on my penis is your penis
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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