dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize