then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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