After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
