who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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