is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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