Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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