My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
