turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This gyro tastes like lonliness
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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