apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i out mim tonsoeep
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