i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
