i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
