I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
