just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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