A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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