what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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